“What We Talk About When We Talk About Love”

Sept 31, 2002


    Love should have one strong definition.  When we think about defining love by using words, we all tend the think everyone will say the same thing about love as we do but that is wrong.  Love has many different definitions because many people see love differently.  In the short story, “What We Talk About When We Talk About Love”, the author, Raymond Carver uses characters to show the theme that everyone has their own view of what love means to them. 
    Terri is the first strong character Carver uses to define love.  Terri talked about an ex-husband named Ed, who beat her.  Terri knew Ed loved her because he merely said he did.  Terri seemed to be a character that feels it is was more important to know that some one said they loved her than to actually feel the love from that person.  In the following passage, Terri is talking with her new husband, about Ed’s love towards her, “He did love me though, Mel. Grant me that, that’s all I’m asking. He didn’t love me the way you love me. I'm not saying that. But he loved me. You can grant me that, cant you?”(p357)  Ed was abusive to Terri and so she thought that with love there has to be pain. (p356)  Terri believed he was abusive to her because he loved her so much that he caused pain not only to her but also to himself.  Terri says, “Sure, it was abnormal in most people’s eyes. But he was willing to die for it. He did die for it.”(p358)
    Mel, however, expresses his thoughts on love, which proves to be very different from Terri’s view of love.  Mel thinks Terri is crazy for even saying Ed loved her.  He said, “If you call that love, you can have it.” (p358)  Mel gives an example of what love is to him, by telling a story about an elderly couple in a car accident.  Carver uses this character of the elderly man to help Mel define his views of what true love means.  Mel talks of love that was so strong that it was painful, but not in the same case as Terri.  The elderly man, while in the hospital, was in a body cast, which did not allow much movement.  Mel explained that the man was very depressed. (p362)  When Mel asked the man what was wrong, he was emotionally touched by his response.  Mel explained, “The man’s heart was breaking because he couldn't turn his head and see his wife.”(p362)  The elderly man was depressed simply because he could not turn his head to see his wife whom he loved.  Mel believed that to be the exact definition of true love.       
    Nevertheless, as the story came to a close, the author, Raymond Carver leaves the definition of love unsolved.  This provides the reader to understand that there is no absolute answer when it comes to providing a definition of love.  As long as there are people who live differently, there will be people who love differently.